The Boomerang in my hand.

I've been moving here, moving there
looking for a way to define.
Writing something. Crossing it out.
Making a category only to change the name another day
when I think 'oh no its really more like 'this''
'this' is constantly redefining that which I am;
Not working!
Possibly because I've realised I am That which is undefinable.
I see myself in all things.
I notice myself in all things.
Sometimes being in the world feels like that moment when you glance at a reflection of yourself and your not expecting it. Your mind goes 'holy heck that person looks exactly like me' before you click that it is you.

She found it!
She found it through words
He found it!
He found it through sensations
They found it!
They found it through praying with the body
I am going to find it too!

I am going to find my way home!


Through using these things, by being these things until I realise the sensations only give you a taste,
a minute little fragment of what is to be explored
saturation of live elements
The saturation of life.

Letting it come in, letting it reside, feeling it to the bone, then feeling it beyond the bone...
This is my mantra.

...beyond the deepest aching part, the willingness of the body to receive the souls words
only goes so far, yet it reaches further, it penetrates through you starting from within and like a boomerang it comes back to the starting point - in a rhythmical circular motion moving outwards and inwards simultaneously. 

Like a broken heart. Did a broken heart not begin from a place of pure bliss, from love? I don't understand, but I can FEEL it. And for some reason that is a form of understanding too intricate for the mind to conceive. That clumsy mind. Why do we trust it so much?

This is the way to feel things. To let them move in and beyond our capacity to understand them. They are beautiful. These earthly sensations. They are a blueprint. They are surface but grow from within. All things grow from within.

When I see this combination of earth sea and sky, I can't believe how much it moves me. I imagine myself exploding and shattering into tiny glittering molecules and scattering out like a heavenly cascade into the corners of the picture. And I KNOW I'm not seeing the whole picture. Into every little crevice I run, I land, I be, I sea.
I mountain. I grass. I earth. I blue. I sunshine. I cloud. I ether. I glittery ripples on the water shimmering. I am. these things. when unconfined by my body, I am these things. Even whilst confined, I am. My heart sings with this picture because it recognises itself. Such a perfect expression of beauty.

When you constantly think in waves of beauty and peace, and then you find yourself immersed in this image... its the Boomerang!! It produces laughter this boomerang. You throw it out into the world, and here it is, back in your hand!

When your only desire is for your life to be beautiful. When you ache from within with it. When beauty gets to that achy stage, you know its hit the bone. It has manifest itself so deep it hurts. But what is pain? When hot and cold feel the same.
Its pulsating. That's what it is, pulsating beauty. The mind drips with it, it licks it up off the blade of grass covered in morning dew. The earths atmosphere condensed like heavenly water. Diamonds. Sunlit diamonds on green blades of sword grass. Ready to be touched, aching to be touched. The grass needs love as much as we. Its needs passion, and to delight in the sensation of its own being.  To rub against another thing, to feel itself against another thing. To feel itself.

This is what we do, when we rub up against another. On a higher level we are trying to feel ourselves.

My clothes allow me to feel my body. My lover allows me to feel my heart. This bed, this cup, this warm tea, this song… all touch my senses and allow me to experience myself. In external form.
Life is feeling from the outside, what we find is inside. This whole experiment on earth is to imagine what life is like from the outside. Yet its all within. The whole thing. That's the irony.
That's the Boomerang!

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